


More Important To Me Than Ever (Urie Kuki X Reader!!)

by KrustyCheetahs



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Crying, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Ghouls, Mentions of Death, Psychological Drama, Psychological Trauma, Quinx, Sad Memories, Serious Injuries, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic, a bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 13:25:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18811795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrustyCheetahs/pseuds/KrustyCheetahs
Summary: Urie Kuki had always held back his feelings ever since the brutal death of his father when he was little.  Hell, he never even planned on getting as close to you then he thought he would. Suffering even more grief by bonding with his squad members only to watch them die especially made him helpless and frustrated. So when you were attacked along the mission, he now knows that it's now or never to tell you how he truly feels.





	1. Chapter 1

Quick! We need reinforcements for Squad Five now! Anyone available will join at the building to fight off the monsters!"

I watched as Squad Leader Urie speaks into the earpiece. "This is Urie from the Quinx Squad. I'll be right there for back up."

Chaos was everywhere, and it was hard to focus on enemies in the flurry of the battle. But I knew that no matter what, Saiko-chan, Urie-kun, and the others would be by my side, fighting for our kind.

I continuously stabbed and swiped with my kagune, shooting out sharp crystals that pierced the disgusting creatures. Wails of pain pierced the air; both ghoul and humans. Exhaustion prickled at my insides, but the sharp pulse of adrenaline kept me going. Sweat formed at my forehead, and I wondered just how long this war was going to last. We couldn't let them take over the tower, but at some point, they'll overpower our forces. What would happen then?

"You're bleeding."

I suddenly flinched at the sight of someone right in front of me, and looked up to see Urie-kun, his face blank and unreadable. The wind ruffled his jet-black hair, and his kagune was poised dangerously over his side. But I sensed something there that he couldn't hide from me. It was his eyes that gave him away; a brief flicker of concern that crosses his face that disappears as quickly as it came.

I blinked, silently angry at how I was unable to keep my cool when he did that. "It's not my blood, Urie-kun."

His eye glowed a menacing red. "They requested I take one more person with me."

I nodded, already knowing that it meant he wanted me to come, and numbly raced after him. Screams echoed behind me, and I wanted to help them, wanted to save them so badly; but I fought against the tide of guilt that rose to swallow me. Struggling to block out my thoughts; I ran, and didn't look back.

Fire blazed and leaped everywhere, broken pieces of cement and wood were scattered all over the ground. I had almost lost track of Urie through all the smoke and debris. It was enveloping me; surrounding like mist that wanted me to disappear. I pushed through and soon we had arrived, quinques ready and poised for attack.

There was a soft gasp from Urie, and I looked at the horrible scene that lay ahead of us, swallowing the sick squeezing of my stomach. I gripped my weapon, clenching my jaw as I watched horrible monsters snarl and attack the other squads. They were like an experiment gone wrong; eyeless creatures with pale clear skin that shone in the moonlight, and teeth that glistened with malice as they tore at the remaining investigators with their three-toed claws.

A gigantic kagune that seemed to be a centipede wrapped around the CCG building, glowing red with dark circles covering its body. I shuddered at the sight, instead turning to the battle with the creatures, who seemed to finally notice my presence. The both of us had a moment of brief processing from what we were witnessing, and then Urie rushed into the battle without hesitation. I knew that it would be better if we split apart, but I wanted to keep a close enough distance to watch out for him, just in case.

I flinched at the gaping jaws of the creatures as they rushed at me; saliva dripping, wanting blood. I scrambled to recall what we trained at the Chateau and what maneuvers Haise and Urie taught me. Slashing my quinques, I made a clean cut through their ranks, the growls of agony reflecting their enragement. Rushing at them with renewed adrenaline, I numbly took life after life; a stab to the chest, or a quick slice at the neck. I was on a roll when I noticed a figure in the distance up above the building beside us.

Bright colours sprouted from his behind, and his eyes flashed a dangerous red. Blue hair whipped in the wind as he leaped to make his attack, sharp deadly crystals flying....

Towards Urie.

My heart paralyzed with fear, I gritted my teeth and raced instinctively towards him; only one thought rang loud and clear in my mind.

I have to protect him.

His eyes widen at my approach, and pain seared across my back like fire. Choking back a scream of pain, I feel the crystals embed themselves into my back, excruciating agony coursing through my body. Gritting my teeth, I smile weakly; and utter the only words that I could gather together at the time.

"Watch for danger, you idiot."

Feeling sick and unable to focus from the pain, I unsteadily stumble into his arm, feeling the taste of blood sprout onto my tongue and trickle out my mouth.

I couldn't tell whether it was a smart or stupid thing to do, but Urie, who was shocked, had seemed to finally realize what had happened, his arms tightening around my slipping form. He screamed something, which I made out as my name, but I was too stricken with exhaustion to answer him.

I strained my head to see Saiko mumbling something into her earpiece; she sounded worried. Urie loomed over me with an expression that I couldn't quite figure out. He yelled something at me, but it sounded distant and jumbled. I soon realized that although Urie never shows much emotion on his face, I recognized now that the emotion on his face was fear.

He was scared.

Although it was concealed most of the time, I could see very well what lay beyond those cold, icy eyes. They reflected so much pain, so much hurt. Sadness, from being left alone all the time. And hatred, for being unable to protect his father and contain so much grief at the loss of his family.

Struggling so furiously to stay awake, I feel Urie's strong arms lifting me up from the ground, and I let that thought overflow my mind, filling me with a sense of relief and ease. Bright lights danced ahead, and I feel the cold surface of the stretcher as I am laid down. A sharp pain pierces my arm, but quickly dulls as I feel something placed over my mouth. I struggle, feeling my thrashes growing weaker by the second. Somebody's hand is placed into mine; comforting and soothing.

"Take her back to the Chateau. She's too injured to fight."

"Be careful, Urie. And keep Kazuki-chan safe, okay?"

There was no response after that, and I feel a tingling sensation in my back, like several fingers that were poking me. It must have been what they injected into me. Something about a RC cell booster?.... It helps to speed up our healing process, considering that we're no different from ghouls now, I guess.

His hand; Urie's I think, was still holding mine firmly as I heard the doors slam shut. A faint whisper followed as I was jostled in the ambulance, feeling weak from so much blood loss. Barely audible, but it rang crystal clear in my head.

"Kazuki-chan....... I don't want to lose anyone else, okay?"

The odd waves of pain were overwhelming; my body shivering even though I was covered in sweat and trying so hard not to sleep. I feel the crystals slowly dissipating, like ash floating innocently in the air after a fire, and manage a sharp intake of breath. The agony was still there, but it was a bit more manageable now, considering that I could breath more easily now.

More figures are looming over me, but I am already numb and fading. Constant murmuring fills me head like cotton, and I hear a calm voice that rises above all the rest. I try to focus my eyes on them, but everything is blurry no matter where or what I look at.

A figure in the distance, wearing a trench coat with bright mischievous eyes that sparkled in the mist. Blond shaggy hair with two small tufts sticking out on top, and a smile that seemed to spread all the way to my heart; filling my body with warmth, but there was also an unbearable ache. I feel his trembling hands brush my face, nimble fingers tangling themselves into my hair. I reach out too, but there is nothing there; even though he feels so close, he sounds so far away.

"Kazuki-chan. It's been a while, hasn't it?"

I want to scream at him; tell him just how much we all missed him, that it wasn't the same since he was killed, but I couldn't find the words anymore, my throat clenching on empty air.

"Shirazu....."

"Nonesense. You're not dead yet; don't be stupid."

"I'm scared."

"Don't be. You're okay........."

I can feel myself going, farther and farther into the black oblivion that loomed ahead, and I embrace it, letting myself drown and sink to the endless bottom.....


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Urie Kuki had always held back his feelings ever since the brutal death of his father when he was little. Hell, he never even planned on getting as close to you then he thought he would. Suffering even more grief by bonding with his squad members only to watch them die especially made him helpless and frustrated. So when you were attacked along the mission, he now knows that it's now or never to tell you how he truly feels.

There is something bright nearby, pouring into my eyes that winced; unable to open.

I curl my fingers; testing my movements like a newborn chick taking its first flight.

I awaken to a constant thrumming in my ears, and realize that it's my heart beating slow and steady; unlike my numb hands that sends a prickle of dull pain up my arm. I shakily force myself into a sitting position, the motion suddenly delivering what seemed like a pounding headache through my brain. Heat formed at my face; I realized I was sweating as I wiped at my forehead frantically.

I was on a bed, and the room was strangely familiar, even though I could not put my hand on the name of the place. The room strangely had an aspect of neatness, considering that the walls had a couple of paintings. They were masterpieces; composing of different vibrant colours of objects and humans that I recognized. My eyes abruptly stopped at a particular one; and I felt my emotions shattering into pieces once again.

It was a painting of Shirazu in the back yard, sitting on the porch and looking at the sky with a million wonders and questions in his eyes. A small smile revealing itself on his face, blond hair still and calm as the gentle wind.

It all rushed back at me, hitting me with a strange sense of relief. I was back at the Chateau.

Urie really did capture him well.

I found myself with silent tears on my face. Choking back on a sob, I breathed out an inaudible whisper. "I'm sorry, Shirazu. I wasn't able to save you because I was weak, because I didn't try hard enough. If only I had pushed myself farther, past my limit.....if only I was stronger!"

My throat ached terribly, like there was a centipede gnawing at the insides. I furiously wiped at my tears; trying to forget, trying so hard to pretend the pain wasn't there. But it was there; forever stained on my face, for today, tomorrow, and forever on. "I'm sorry..."

"You're awake."

I didn't need to look to see that it was Urie. Embarrassed by him seeing me so vulnerable, I hid behind my hair, refusing to meet his gaze.

There was a brief moment of silence until I heard him spoke in a voice that ached with sadness.

"I used to think about him all the time. I still do; even now."

I didn't move, but it was the least I could do to at least listen intently. I hear the clang; a cup of water being placed on the table beside me.

"I still remembered. During his last moments; when he said "red bean soup."

I risked a glance up at him; seeing his eyes full of hope made my heart flutter with a mixed amount of understanding and happiness.

"He said that I had the best expression...when I was eating red bean soup."

"I remember..."

"Do you blame yourself?"

He turned to meet my gaze, watching with a piercing stare as I paused to consider the question seriously. It seemed too vague of a question to have an answer to. "Do you?"

He was shocked at how I reflected the question right back at him. Moving to stand beside me at the bed, he stared at the window; the light streaming in to illuminate the soft features of his face. 

"I thought the world was twisted. How everyone I tried to protect kept on disappearing from me. It was so unfair, and I hated everyone for it. Hated that they had loved ones, hated that they were happy. But when I lashed out at Sasaki for not being there for him, he told me that all of the loss in the world is due to my own lack of strength. He said that if I were to curse something, then I should curse my own weakness. It hurt; those words. But I began to realize, that what Sasaki said was actually true. Just like how I couldn't protect my father from ghouls that killed him."

He down at me, a glint of pain in his eyes; so weak from the grief that gripped him like a boa constrictor. "I ended up hating myself."

I didn't blame him. I felt the same way too. And I despised myself for it as well. "Urie..."

"But I wonder now. Whether it really was all our fault. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that none of it really was."

I caught his gaze, the tears prickling at my eyes again. "If he were here right now, he would say that we were idiots for thinking that. Shirazu would never blame us for his death."

He smiled, agreeing to what I said. Hesitantly, I tried getting up, wincing at the sharp pain that shot up my back. There was the sudden feeling of something pressing and squeezing at my chest; I tried and failed to recall what had happened during the ride back to the Chateau.

"You were injured, Kazuki-chan. And you now have a fever, so I say you lie back down after you've had some water."

I gave him an unimpressed gaze. "Urie-kun, am I really sick? I feel fine."

He passed me the water, and as soon as I brought the cup to my lips, he took the opportunity to press his hand to my forehead. I tensed at the physical contact; Urie was never one to actually show his emotions or feelings to people like that. "It's getting really hot."

His gaze was unwavering, showing no emotions as his eyes trailed down to my blood-stained shirt. "Do you need me to help you change your shirt?"

I choked on my water, making sure it was that instead of spitting it out. Although the burning in my throat was uncomfortable, it would be better than water being splattered all over Urie's bed, in which he would kill me. "What?!"

"You heard what I said." Urie's voice contained a bit of impatience now. "You're probably still sore from the battle."

"I don't think that's a good idea-"

"You know that's an order, right?"

"You and your authority...just because you're the squad leader, doesn't mean that-"

I abruptly stopped as he grabbed onto the hem of my shirt, tugging at it. I watched as he slowly pulled it over my head, his eyes tracing over the bandages covering my chest. Not the kind of look that made you squirm, but the eyes of curiosity, and wonder. His gaze ran down from my shoulders, landing on the dressings that enveloped my body. I was tempted to cover myself with the sheets after he didn't say anything for a while, but I heard his voice, even though it was barely a whisper. "Rabbit did this to you, didn't he...?"

I was taken aback by his slightly angry tone. "I think so, considering that his kagune type is ukaku, and is able to shoot sharp crystals."

Urie's voice was dangerously quiet now; I noticed that his eyes were hidden behind his night-black hair. "Why did you save me, Kazuki?"

I shrugged on a new clean white shirt before he grabbed my wrist; realizing just how much he wanted an answer from me. I knew that Urie was never really a social and outgoing person, but his piercing gaze told me that he cared; his way of showing instead of telling.

"Why, Kazuki?"

The silhouettes of two tall intimidating figures loomed over me; I felt a twinge of fear in my stomach.

"I'm sorry, but we weren't able to save your sister. She was a bystander during a raid operation and was killed by one of the ghouls there. Your foster parents, they were also unfortunately murdered while the attack was in process."

Shut away. Killed, just like my parents. Never really knew them, just like how I never really knew my parents. Same story every time...I shouldn't sense anything.

So why do I feel so sad?

"Can...I see her?" Tears stung my eyes like thorns; anger surged in my throat no matter how much I tried to suppress my emotions. It's surprising how desperate people can be, so I was shocked when I asked that, because it wasn't like me to be weak. Weakness leads to hurt, and sadness. Weakness left you open and vulnerable. It was never like me to suddenly start hoping, but as always, there was a reason to hope.

I wasn't sure of this reason, but it ignited something inside me, and it was impossible to ignore. "Maybe you've got the wrong person-"

"Her body was already devoured by the time we got there. Our scientists have already confirmed that it was definitely her. There wasn't a single piece of her that we could salvage properly, considering that her corpse was already in pieces by the time we got there. We're sorry for your loss."

My sister...she was the last thing I could hold onto. The only person that gave me hope in the saddest places; a better chance at life. Everything seemed better when she was with me. Life had way more meaning when she was there for me.

But now....it's all gone. Fading away; like voices that get farther and farther the more you try to chase it. And then completely disappearing, leaving you in the cold, bitter dark.

Nobody was left for me to go to. Nobody left to love and take care of me.

It finally dawned on me.

I was alone.

Thinking back into the past made me sad. So I looked forward ever since, killing without much thought or remorse. Emotions were too much for me, and I was afraid of trusting people again. I was scared of losing someone else again, so I shut out my feelings; it was either hurt or be hurt. My tiny heart shattered back then to leave them, and it hurt to bear it all by myself, but I'm older now. Stronger now, so I can take it all.

And I knew, at this point, that it was impossible to let go of my friends. The same people who had held me together when I couldn't. The same people who would celebrate with me, and suffer with me as well. They were my only family; ones who cared for me like I was their own. Even though we were not related at all, we were all brought together by fate, and I think that this special bond between all of us, stronger than any ghoul, was meant to be.

"Because of love, Urie-kun."

His eyes widened briefly, holding back shock before he let out a small inhale. I continued; clearly he was listening intently, wanting to see me admit such a weakness that caught him off guard. But he wasn't angry at me, or disgusted. Instead he just stared at me with those piercing black eyes that had softened into a side of him that I had never seen before. It was the look of empathy, and it filled me with the surge of confidence I needed. "I did it because I knew that I couldn't bear losing Saiko, Mutsuki, or you anymore."

"Tch."

I looked up at him, confused by his answer. Although I didn't show it, I wanted him to understand, hoping that he would feel the same way. But this answer made me unsure of what he honestly felt.

A smile graced his features, the corners of his mouth turning just the slightest so that it was noticeable.

"You idiot."

The fact that he was smirking now brought warmth to my heart. It had been so long since Shirazu died, and I was afraid; scared that he would shut himself away again. Turn back into the cold, ignorant, selfish person he was before. Times when he only cared about himself; filled with vengeance and anger towards ghouls. It wasn't until when Shiragin died that he felt vulnerable, weak. When he realized that he had truly cared about all of us without really understanding it, and that he wasn't actually alone. I was marveled at just how much he had changed from before, when Sasaki and the rest of us met him; and I found myself smiling back, anticipating his response.

Urie closed his eyes, like he was in a faraway place; wondering where everyone that he lost had gone to. Even though he seemed calm, I noticed that he was also slightly embarrassed by the way he turned his head away from me, avoiding eye contact.   
"I care about my squad too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: URIE IS HUSBANDO AND DON'T YOU DARE FORGET THAT UWU


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Urie Kuki had always held back his feelings ever since the brutal death of his father when he was little. Hell, he never even planned on getting as close to you then he thought he would. Suffering even more grief by bonding with his squad members only to watch them die especially made him helpless and frustrated. So when you were attacked along the mission, he now knows that it's now or never to tell you how he truly feels.

"What's your name?"

A man, maybe a couple years older than me stared at me with curious eyes as he waited for my response. White hair covered his forehead like a broom, except when I looked at the top of his head. I could see that his hair was actually black from the scalp; turning white as my eyes traced down the lengths of his bangs. He was wearing a simple black-sleeved shirt with a tie that was as dark as the night. I wondered if I would need to wear something like that, considering that I would be one of them now. A Quinx.

He had this kind of professional appearance when I first laid eyes on him, and I made a mental note that this guy was probably the leader, and that I should respect him.

"K-kazuki-chan, sir."

He smiled, waving off my answer with a chuckle. "Although I appreciate it, there's really no need to be so formal, okay? I'm Haise Sasaki, and I'm your mentor for the time being. Come on, there's so much I need to tell you about."

And so he did. I listened as he drove, telling me all about the other members. Shirazu seemed like someone who was easygoing; that I could definitely cope with, since I can be pretty laid-back sometimes too. Mutsuki was probably someone I could relate to, considering that we were new to our jobs and have kakuhos implanted within us; which I found fascinating and terrifying at the same time. Saiko may be lazy, judging from what Sasaki was saying about her, but I support her; these things just take time. Maybe she just needs to find her motivation to do her job. I'm sure that it wouldn't be long before she realizes her true potential.

"They might be a bit hard to get along with, especially Urie, but I'm sure with some time, you'll work with them just fine."

"Urie?"

Haise chuckled, placing a hand on his neck as we arrived. "He's the squad leader. You'll understand what I mean by anti-social when you meet him."

The Chateau, as Haise had called it, was amazingly huge, and no wonder, since there would be six of us living together. It was just like any moderate house, and I admired how the CCG planned the rooms so that each of us would have one. The living room was so spaced out, and the kitchen looked like it could handle anything we threw at it; as it had everything from an oven to a blender. The Chateau seemed to have this cozy, relaxing atmosphere, and I knew at that moment that this would be a very happy family. A place that we could all call home.

I stepped into the living room, feeling my face heat up when everyone's gaze suddenly flickered to me.

"Oh! You're that new kid Haise was talking about, right? Hi!"

I waved back at him, taking in his appearance. Blond hair with a smile, eyes glimmering with humor. He had his hands in his pockets, standing up to get a better look at me. I'm guessing that this is probably Shirazu.

Haise frowned, shaking his head in slight frustration, though he smiled. "She's not that much younger than you, Shirazu. Only about a year, I think."

Shirazu smirked. "Still a kid to me, though."

I placed a hand on my chest, feigning hurt. "That's just because you're taller than me!"

"Wanna go play in the playground?"

A green haired man silenced him with a frown. "Go easy on her, okay? This is her first day, make her feel welcomed!"

Shirazu clamped his mouth shut, sighing in disappointment. The green haired man was about my height, and something about the shy expression he wore on his face and his hesitant stance told me that he was a very nervous guy. Haise had told me that he wore a white eye patch, so this must be Mutsuki.

"I'm Mutsuki. And you are..?"

"Kazuki. Kazuki Sakamoto. "

He smiled anxiously. "Nice to meet you. Are you a rank three investigator?"

"No, I'm rank two."

That seemed to shock everyone into silence, and they were all wearing impressed gazes at me until Sasaki yelled down the hall. "Come and meet our new Quinx investigator, Saiko!"

A girl raced down the stair, screaming in delight as she tackled me in a hug. I was immediately enveloped by long blue hair. "You're so soft and cuddly...!!"

Haise pulled her off of me, laughing despite the blushing glance he saw on my face. "Saiko, at least be more gentle when meeting new people!"

I stood up on shaky knees, marveled at how short she was. Saiko's head only reached up to my shoulder, but I was sure that she was much stronger than she looked. "Saiko Yonebayashi, right?"

"Yes! Can I call you Kazu-chan?" Her eyes were so wide, reminding me of how big my eyes used to be when I was little. She excitedly bounced up and down on her toes while I shyly smiled, giving her a confident yes.

A slam of the door echoed through the house, and everyone turned to hear the shuffling of shoes.

Shirazu grinned. "Oi, Urie came back!"

Thick black hair covered his face, and he wore this unreadable expression that I couldn't make out. It was like you could always predict a scowl that would creep up upon his face, and his jaw seemed so smooth; curved and soft unlike any other. I noticed two distinct moles under his left eye, and wondered how his face could be carved into something so beautiful and perfect.

Immediately I pushed down the thought, trying to steady my racing heart and flushing pink cheeks. This man...he couldn't be Urie, could he?

He took off his ear buds, hanging his trench coat on the rack and wearing the exact same outfit that Sasaki had. Turning his gaze onto me, I choked back a gulp in my throat as his intense eyes seemed to roam mine, searching for what, I didn't know.

His voice was crisp and sharp with a hint of indignation. "This is the new Quinx member?" (She doesn't look capable of working with us; the CCG seems to be making worse and worse decisions by the days... )

I exhaled nervously, already feeling the tense atmosphere that surrounded the room. "Yes, I'm a rank two investigator. Kazuki Sakamoto. You're Urie right?"

"Well, I'm your squad leader, so what do you think? " (Same level as me, rank two investigator..? She seems too nice and weak to be at such a rank, how is that even possible with her soft frame?)

I tried not to flinch at his rough tone. "It's nice to meet you."

He gave a grunt of agreement before heading to his room, turning his back on me. Clearly he wasn't going to continue the conversation with me, and I very well knew it. Was he like this all the time, ignoring everyone?

Haise frowned in disappointment. "Urie is usually like that, but he seems even more on edge today."

Saiko nodded, her fists clenching and eyebrows furrowing in anger. "Uri needs to show more respect instead of being the promotion - seduced idiot that he is."

Shirazu shrugged. "Maybe he's frustrated about Torso? I mean, we haven't made much progress, and we're gonna need to if we're going to beat the Shimoguchi squad on cracking this case."

Mutsuki gave me a sympathetic look. "Don't worry, you'll adapt to him, just like the rest of us will."

If nobody was gonna do much about the way Urie talked to people, then I guess it was up to me to give him a proper greeting and make him acknowledge me.

It wasn't until dinner that I decided to confront him.

Marching calmly to his room, I took a deep breath, knocking on the door. I tried to muster whatever courage I could find before I heard a sharp "Come in."

Urie was there alright, his eyes set on the canvas in front of him; face scrunched up in concentration. Beautiful paintings surrounded his room, mixed with vibrant colours that contrasted with the dull gray of the walls. His room sure was neat, despite the drawings of different people and objects that covered the place. I was very surprised; who knew that such a cold guy like him was so talented at painting?

"Urie-san, did you make all these?"

He dropped his paintbrush when his eyes laid upon me, shook with anger. "What are you doing in here?" (I thought you were Sasaki!)

I frowned, struggling to keep my cool. Clearly he did not enjoy how I interrupted his privacy; this conversation wasn't going well so far. I wondered, why is he hiding this talent anyways? Was it because he didn't want it affecting his reputation?

"I just came in to let you know that it's rude to ignore people. Although you're the squad leader, at least respect me as your comrade!"

Urie gritted his teeth. "Get out of my room." (Did she just come in here to lecture me?)

I returned his icy glare, refusing to move. "I look forward to working with you, Squad Leader Urie."

He scoffed, crossing his arms around his chest. "Tch. You don't even seem fit to be a Quinx." (We'll see though, Rank two investigator Kazuki. )

I clenched my jaw, offended. How could this guy be so openly rude and ignorant? "They selected me to become a Quinx, and I agreed because of the good pay. Both the CCG and I benefit from this, and I don't see why it shouldn't benefit you. We're the same rank! If that's not proof enough, than I don't know what is."

Urie's face showed no signs of change; he still wore the same unreadable expression on his face that drove me mad. I was about to just give up on him and leave; there was no getting along with this guy, when there was a sudden shift in movement from the corner of my vision.

He was in front of me, eyes hard and piercing as ever. I had to tilt my head slightly up to meet his face and for some reason, I was intimidated by his relaxed posture.

I felt the nerves in my neck tingle when he leaned in close, head almost touching my shoulder. He was invading my space; I found it strange how I was too overcome with some feeling that I didn't recognize to push him away.

Urie's hot breath tickled my ear, making me nervously tense up. "Just don't get in my way." (And then maybe I'll tell you more about me so that we can both not be enemies...)

Swallowing back a squeak of terror, I watched as he pushed pass me and retreated down the hallway, leaving me slightly horrified by his so-called threat. The way he walked was almost teasing as he waved goodbye without turning around.

It wasn't until later that I started wondering what exactly that had caused me to feel so uncomfortable around him. It was like the room was suddenly so much hotter, and butterflies seemed to dance and flutter inside my stomach. My heart started racing for some reason, and I didn't even take any actions whatsoever when he was incredibly close to me.

I was seriously starting to doubt myself on whether I could be falling for him, but it scared me even more when I found myself blushing a couple moments later. This was really going to be a problem when we're working together. I sighed, secretly cursing myself for these feelings.

..Why did he have to be so damn handsome?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Urie looks better in season two if you've seen him in the anime, but it's Urie...so he's hot in basically everything..lol
> 
> And yeah...be hyped for the last chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Urie Kuki had always held back his feelings ever since the brutal death of his father when he was little. Hell, he never even planned on getting as close to you then he thought he would. Suffering even more grief by bonding with his squad members only to watch them die especially made him helpless and frustrated. So when you were attacked along the mission, he now knows that it's now or never to tell you how he truly feels.

I could only stare at him as my sickness finally caught up to me. The burning of my fever really pulled me down now; my head throbbed like there was someone hammering nails inside, and suddenly there was this overwhelming wave of heat that washed over me, making me sick to the bone.

Realizing that I was sweating, I frantically wiped at my forehead, feeling exhaustion seep into my body. Coughing, I managed an "ugh" before Urie passed me the water with a concerned frown.

"I knew you were sick. And yet you didn't listen."

My throat burned like fire when I tried to talk, so I gave him a defeated sigh, hanging my head in defeat. He seemed to get the message that I was sorry, and gave me a reassuring look that could've shone all the light for me today, tomorrow, and many days to come.

"You should probably get some sleep. Everyone's been asking how you were. Even Sasaki, I'm pretty sure, would want to see you get better."

A pang of sadness swallowed over me. He must have had good reason to leave, and if he came back to the CCG, would they treat him like the good person they once thought he was? Sasaki had left us, and even though I knew he would never kill us, I still wondered whether he remembered us. Were we just memories to him, lost forever because of Kaneki's awakening? Or were we still good comrades, who still cherished the moments we had together before everything became twisted?

"I know you're thinking about him."

I risked a glance at him, smiling weakly. "Yeah. I just wanted to get to know him better, before the auction raid where things became tenser between him and the Quinx squad. I just felt like we could've been better friends if there were more chances. There just wasn't enough time, and now all of a sudden, he's become this...monster."

No, monster wasn't the right word. It wasn't his fault that Tokyo was at risk of collapsing. It wasn't his fault that humanity was diminishing. Although his kagune went out of control, and he wanted to accomplish such goals that changed his respect for both species of ghouls and humans that made me feel torn; I couldn't accept it. None of it was ever his fault. After all, he was only doing what everyone else wanted but was too weak to do; and that was creating a world where we could all coexist in peace.

"Well, while you were unconscious, Saiko told me that the CCG has confirmed that there is a chance to bring him back and stop this terrible sickness from spreading."

That brought my heart to a coursing pace; the thrilling twist of hope filled my body with renewed energy. "If it really works, then that would be a relief to everyone, even ghouls. Did Saiko elaborate exactly?"

A grim frown skimmed Urie's face; clearly he was not up to answering the question. Hesitantly, he got up, fists clenching the hem of his CCG coat, turning his knuckles white. "I was there too." A deep breath; he's trying to compose himself. "The CCG and ghouls have formed an alliance together."

I choked back a gasp, instead forcing a cough into my sleeve. "What?!"

He placed his hands on his hips and let out a sigh; clearly he agreed with me that the result of this situation would be very unpredictable. Things could spiral down into another heated war, or somehow it could be surprisingly successful and benefit for everyone. "They're hoping that by uniting their forces as one, we'll all be able to accomplish the removal of Kaneki's body, which is believed to be the source that's creating all those monsters."

I grimaced, stunned by how oblivious the CCG was. "But then what will happen next? Once that's complete, won't everything just burst into chaos again?"

Urie snorted in annoyance, crossing his arms. "That's exactly what I thought. But let's just hope that for now, and for later; nothing is going to get out of hand with our investigations and truces with the ghouls." He paused, a stern glare snaking its way across his face. "Also.....aren't you supposed to be resting?"

I groaned, rolling my eyes. Was Urie really going to lecture me on sleeping just because he knows more than I do? "I feel fine!"

The narrowing of his eyes told me that he didn't care about what I had to say. "Your healing abilities as an Ukaku Quinx may be kicking in, but even so, I insist you rest so that it'll be easier to fight your fever, along with your injuries."

I frowned as my eyes shifted to a blur of red at my peripheral vision. Blood stained his knuckles crimson; I realized the skin had been torn apart and bleeding through the thin bandage that covered his strong but soft hands.

I opened my mouth to speak, but he sullenly stood up, seeming to notice that I had found his utter weakness. "Don't worry about me. It's you that needs to be taken care of."

He had barely shifted his weight to move when I grabbed his wrist, feeling a twinge of frustration from such an embarrassing action. But the urge for his comforting presence was strong, and I wasn't just going to leave him alone worrying about me while I slept. "Please don't go....."

Urie tensed at my words, and although he turned to give me an understanding look, his eyes burned with defiance. "Not the best idea."

I tugged at his arm and stuck my bottom lip out, looking up at him with my pouting wide eyes. "Please?.."

Again, he shook his head as he flatly refused the request. "No."

"But it's only until I fall asleep! I won't be able to do anything after if you leave..."

He huffed, closing his eyes and turning his head in defeat. I felt a surge of mischievous glee from knowing that pulling this on Urie would work; and boy, did he hate it. "If anyone comes in, remember that this was your idea, okay?"

I tried my best to give him a sweet smile, in which he snorted at before rolling his eyes. "The things I do for you and my squad these days......"

I was about to unleash an incoherent retort when he reached out, brushing a stray tear from my face that left me speechless. His face was softer now, relaxing into something of a smile. It really brought out his eyes; shimmering with haziness and conflict. Although I wanted his company, I was definitely not expecting him to show any sort of concern whatsoever. However, this was absurd, coming from him.

Having known Urie for so long, I knew it was risky to try anything he might not like. But in this situation, what was there that I could do? His pupils were lost in mine, as if he were showing all his emotions that a thousand words could never explain or define. It was like Urie wanted an answer from me; a question that he had been longing to say, always gone unanswered until this moment.

His hand eventually stopped to rest on my cheek, brushing my hair; and neither one of us dared to speak, afraid of breaking the tense silence that engulfed the room. But the caring eyes that hid beneath his thick black bangs told me everything that I needed to know.

Regardless of everything, Urie wanted to be there for me.

So the action was small; so minimal that it was barely any movement at all. I shifted my head to lean into his hand, feeling the relaxation and safety that pulsed from his fragile touch. It didn't reveal anything on his face, but I knew that he had only just noticed it.

Exhaustion was at every corner that I turned, and eventually I gave up fighting to let it drown me in the calming waves.

The softness of his hand somehow soothed me into closing my eyes that struggled to keep up with the world. I tried thinking about something else that would drift me off to sleep but when Urie started tracing his thumb over my knuckles; everything got overwhelming as that was the only thought that I could hold onto.

...Why was he so nice? And how was he able to hide such a soft and sweet side of him from me? Was I something special to him, so much to an extent that he was revealing little by little his true colours?

I was crossing the border into the endless realm of sleep when I felt fingers gingerly brush back the hair from my forehead. The fact that he was so close, presence almost on top of me, sent shivers down my spine. Whether it was fear or exhilaration, I could not tell. A brief touch of lips on my forehead told me that it was definitely the latter.

"Stop trying to play the hero, you idiot." (I care about you too, and don't you dare just take that for granted!)

I could picture the smirk on his face as he whispered, was he aware that I was listening?

I was afraid that the slight shivering would give me away, but it was too late to worry about that now as I found myself stirring.

My heart fluttered in excitement when our eyes met, the both of us surprised, but for different reasons.

"Urie..."

Gritting his teeth, he stood up, hair hiding his eyes. The most adorable shade of pink formed on his cheeks, and he looked away, embarrassed. God, he looks so cute when he's flustered.

I gave him a helpless gaze, and reaching out ever so carefully, I slipped my hand into his, giving him a reassuring squeeze. "Is this...okay?..."

He pulled away; but he was as gentle as a horse.

..What was he trying to get at?

Trying to process Urie was like trying to read a book upside down. But as the moment of silenced seemed to stretch on forever, it was obvious. I recognized that expression anywhere; and it was the feeling of fear. The terror that traps you in thorns and sinks deeper the more you struggle. "You're afraid."

I saw a single bead of sweat form on the side of his face. "Tch. If you're thinking that this will develop, and that we might start dating and all that; don't, because you'll be disappointed if you try to start a relationship with me."

I forced myself out of the bed, and the feeling of blood rushing to my head made it all the more harder to focus. But this was important; and I couldn't allow Urie to let it go like that. The familiar surge of confidence poured into me, and I pushed through the throbbing agony, my hands curling into fists.

I had to make him understand. "You're afraid of me. Scared that if this goes any farther, you'll be hurt by loving others. And because you know the pain will come eventually, you force yourself to stop. The agony hurts like no other, and so to save yourself from this, you shut it all out. But you know what? It means that you care. Enough to protect the both of us by doing that."

Frustration pulsed from Urie, but I knew there was nothing he could say to deny it. Eyes closed; he seemed to be at the brink of leaving, but instead he let out a sad sigh, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. I smiled; finally being able to see Urie open up like this was as relishing as seeing the smallest crack of light in the darkest cave. Eyelids fluttering, he confesses the three words that I had been longing to hear forever in a soft murmur.

"Yes....I'm scared...(Losing Mutsuki, Saiko, or you is like losing everything! Don't you know how it feels?...)"

I've seen happiness in other people, and the warm feeling that rippled through my heart was priceless. But this wave of sensation was different. It was trembling, pure ecstatic joy that blazed out within my body. Something overcame me; perhaps it was the gentle touch of love that brought me the sudden urge to kiss him.

My eyebrows furrowed in concentration as I grabbed him by the shoulders, pinning his back to the wall. An audible gasp came out of him, and with questioning eyes that seemed to reflect my similar ache for him, which turned quickly into surprise, I ended our quiet conversation by slipping my mouth onto his. It had been, this entire time, as I finally realized, a curious journey as we each tried to find out whether the other one felt the same. I had never experienced anything like this, especially first thing with such a guarded person like Urie. But running my hands through his hair, and the sensation of his soft lips on mine was awakening, as there was new electricity summoned within my body. I shivered as one of his wary hands grazed my waist, the other tangling itself into my hair. Urie wasn't very responsive as I had expected him to be, but I knew it was because he never really before, had enjoyed physical contact with anyone. His hesitant actions were imprinted into his personality like everything else about him, but I made out that it could be something altered, should we have more opportunities like this. Although his so called way of touching was a light brush here and maybe a quick kiss there, I found it to be very comforting; just as I had hoped it to be. Was he enjoying this as much as I was?

He pulled away, a strange expression that I assumed was a mixture of embarrassment and another emotion that was struggling to calm him down. I guessed it to be anger from his slightly annoyed face. "You're sick."

I couldn't help but laugh. "That's what you're worried about?"

"Yes. (You're a good kisser....wait, did I just really think that?! I'm going to get sick as well if this continues!)" Urie took me by the shoulders and turned me around, coaxing me back to the bed. I flushed furiously when I felt him hesitantly press a delicate kiss to the back of my neck before tucking me back into the warm comforts of the blankets. "Now get some sleep before you wake up from Saiko's fretting later."

The silence that hung in the air brought relief to my senses. Well, except for the faint, even breaths from Kazuki. But it didn't bother me that much anyway. After all; she was finally getting some rest; and that was what mattered.

I watched as she slept, feeling this warm feeling pulsing out from my chest. What was this feeling? It made my heart race, made me have this urge to protect her, made me worry about her when we were apart. It had created something strange inside me, and it was so new, so.....frightening.

Out of the corner of my eye, I had noticed the damp cloth that hadn't been touched since our conversation and with careful hands; I settled it on her forehead. I slowly realized the corners of my mouth lifting into a smile as she sighed happily in ease, shifting into a more comfortable position to lie on her back. Already she looked better; her face was returning into a more normal colour while her tense hands relaxed. There was a sharp sudden pang of warmth in my heart as I saw her sweet smile that seemed to lift away all of our worries.

I left the room, feeling like I had finally accomplished something good for once. A sense of peace settled over me; I've never had this feeling ever since my father died.

It's amazing and horrific; what love can do to you.

Conflicting emotions rose up from within me, like there was a war happening inside my head. I was surrounded with questions. Was this really the time to be together with Kazuki? Am I ready for what will happen between us? What if something went horribly wrong with our relationship? Nothing seemed to infuse doubt into me, although there was a lingering pull at the back of my mind. Every action, every word spoken; has some kind of consequence or result.

It tore me to pieces even thinking about it; except I couldn't just give up now. She's more important to me than ever.

"I guess we'll just have to be scared together..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Mehhhhhhh I felt like the ending wasn't as creative as I wanted it to be, but like I said before, it's only supposed to be a long and detailed one-shot! XD Anyways, thanks SO much for all my readers who continuously supported me and make just the perfect comments that make my day! You are all amazing, and I really hope that this one-shot was of enjoyment to you!
> 
> A/N: Mehhhhhhh I felt like the ending wasn't as creative as I wanted it to be, but like I said before, it's only supposed to be a long and detailed one-shot! XD Anyways, thanks SO much for all my readers who continuously supported me and make just the perfect comments that make my day! You are all amazing, and I really hope that this one-shot was of enjoyment to you!
> 
> Also, feel free to make a request for my UPCOMING Quinx (Mostly) X Reader one-shot book! (*I have it on Wattpad, but I haven't posted it on here yet, this will take time as I need to gather requests and actually write them and all that, but in time, it'll come through*) Just comment about your request, and I'll happily see to it! 
> 
> Finally, don't think that this is over for stories with our lovely Cookie! I'm currently developing another story that is going to be a larger project than this one, and it's gonna be awesome! I'm so excited to show you guys!
> 
> Again, thank you so much for reading, this story wouldn't be made possible without you people! *Hands out cookie and waves* Welp, until next time!!

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: First Chapter so far, I feel like I could have done better, but anyways...I hoped you enjoyed! Oh, and btw, Kazuki-chan is basically the reader's (your) name in the chapters. XD I would change the Kazuki to (Y/N) and (L/N), but I'm too lazy OwO Comment on what you think of the story!


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